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Excerpt: My Boyfriend the Stripper

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SCENE: LARRY AND PETERS HOUSE
Peter is now home and in a foul mood.

PETER
He's quitting his job to print a porno book. That's what he said.

LARRY
Just what the world needs. Another book of naked men. How unique.

PETER
Oh, lighten up. I'd buy it.

LARRY
That's pathetic.

PETER
It's not pathetic, Larry. It's exciting. It's the kind of stuff you would have done before you became a boring academic.

LARRY
What's wrong with you?

PETER
We're dying here Larry. When we started dating all those years ago we agreed on two things: That we’d never go to bed angry and if one of us fucked around we’d talk about it.

LARRY
And?

PETER
And...I think you’ve been fucking around and I’ve been going to bed angry for a long time. Just tell me, are you having an affair?

LARRY
Of course not.

PETER
Are you sure?

LARRY
I'm sure.

PETER
Do you ever think about it though?

LARRY
What?

PETER
Having an affair? Do you ever think about having an affair?

LARRY
Never.

PETER
I don't believe you.

LARRY
Why would I lie?

PETER
I think about it. I think about having an affair everyday. I think about having an affair with every guy I see. You should have seen Adam and David together just now. They were so happy. They couldn't keep their hands off each other. I felt like throwing up. They reminded me of us when we first met. I’m tired of trying all the time. I'm leaving you Larry. I'm leaving you for someone else.

LARRY
Who?

PETER
I don't know yet. Don't pressure me.

(Peter storms out. Larry sits alone.)

 

    
       
         
 

 

David

I was on a set...two years ago...I was on a porn set...in a dirty studio...in the middle of Burbank..and I was waiting for my co-star to get hard and I looked up and the director’s boyfriend had stopped by and they were just talking, but totally unaware that anyone was watching them and they were so fucking happy to be with each other, you know...they were just so close. And I remember thinking, well they shouldn't be here...not on a porn set...not in Burbank...and I thought, God, I'll never have that....the trust...the intimacy. I'll never have that...at least not with any men I know...and then I meet you...and it happened...I found it...