SCENE: BUDS PHOTO SHOOT
Bud is getting ready to pose for Annie.
BUD
Deena Cassandra Beckworth. That's my
name. Cassandra was my grandma. That's
how I got that name. And Deena is my
mother. I hate it. I was a tomboy. I
like to get dirty and go camping and play
sports. We had to go to church on Sundays
and I'd have to wear a dress and I hated
it. Finally I told my parents that I
would only go to church if I could wear
pants. It was such a scandal. Deena wants
to wear pants to church. Oh my God, how
blasphemous.
ANNIE
So how did you get the nickname Bud?
BUD
From my first and only girlfriend. Danny.
We were together for years.
ANNIE
She gave you that name?
BUD
Yep, and this scar too. We met on a
Friday and she moved in on a Monday. I
don't know why we moved in together. I
just let her walk all over me and one
night we were at this bar and she was
having a contest to see who could hold
their hand over this match the longest
and this drunk gal already had third
degree burns, but Danny was ready for
more. And I told her to stop and she
wouldn't. And I told her again and she
just ignored me. And I got so mad at her
that I grabbed a bottle and I smashed it
n the floor and held it to her neck...and
everything stopped.
That's what it took to get her to listen.
And after that everyone kept calling me
Bud cause it was a broken Budweiser
bottle I was holding. And after that
every time I came to the bar, I'd walk in
and they'd say the same thing, "watch
out, here comes Bud" or they'd grab my
butt and say, "I need a Bud." Or someone
would pick me up and say, "oh it's a Bud
lite." And after a while it just stuck.
My parents still call me Deena, but
everyone else calls me Bud. And that's
how I got my nickname.
ANNIE
And is that how you got the scar. From
the bottle.
BUD
No.
ANNIE
So how'd you get the scar?
(pause)
Did Danny give it to you?
BUD
I don't want to talk about her any more.
I'm trying to forget about Danny I want
to move on, I really do. But Danny did
something to me, she damaged me in a way.
She ruined me for other women. Have you
ever met a woman who just captured your
heart?
ANNIE
Yes I have. Ok. Can you turn to the left?
Annie begins photo shoot. Bud reveals more of her body.
ANNIE (cont'd)
Just lift your chin a little bit. Little
more right, over here. Perfect. Nice.
Great.
BUD
So when do I get to see you?
ANNIE
Excuse me.
BUD
It's not fair. You get to see me. When do
I get to see you? Come on, I know you're
not shy.
SCENE: ANNIES MONOLOGUE TO AUDIENCE
Annie turns directly to the audience. Bud exits.
ANNIE
(to audience)
This always happens to me. Everyone
wants to have sex with me. It goes like
this. They meet me, and five minutes
later they want me to take them home,
strap on a dildo and fuck them. But they
don't understand, that's a lot of work.
SCENE: GLORY CALLS BUD/BUD CALLS DANNY
GLORY
(on the phone at work)
Hey Bud, it's Glory. I guess you're not
home or your on the other line. Did you
get my message yesterday? How did your
photo shoot go?
Kim enters.
KIM
Hey Glory.
GLORY
Hey Kim.
Bud enters but she is in a different space.
BUD
Hey Danny are you there?
GLORY
I'm still at the restaurant. But I get
out of here around seven.
BUD
Well, I guess you're not there. I was
just thinking about you that's all. I
just did a cool photo shoot. I wanna
tell you about it.
GLORY
I want to bring you some food. I made an
eggplant pudding that people are going
crazy for.
BUD
You know you can stop by anytime. i
never lock the door.
GLORY
Should I just stop by?
BUD
I think about you all the time.
GLORY
I've been thinking about you all day.
BUD
Just call me, back? Okay.
GLORY
Call me when you get in.
BUD
It's still the same number.
GLORY
You know the number.
BUD
Just call me.
GLORY
O.K., Bud. I'll be waiting...
She hangs up.
BUD
Hello? I think your machine just cut me
off.
GLORY
I think I'm in love.
BUD
Am I still being recorded?
KIM
With Bud?
GLORY
Bud.
KIM
Bud? Bud, the student?
GLORY
No, Bud, the person. She has a beautiful
soul, Kim.
KIM
She's a student. She's broke.
GLORY
I don't care about money. Weren't you a
starving student when you met Lois? Look
how great you turned out.
KIM
Yea, look how great we turned out.
GLORY
You know, I've been single for so long
and I wanted to know why, if I was so
willing and so open, why nothing was
coming to me. And I went up to Bernal
Hill and I looked out at the City and I
meditated on it. I just sat with it and
prayed. And you know what came to me?
Proust! Proust said, "The real voyage of
discovery consists not in seeking new
landscapes, but in having new eyes."
KIM
You read Proust?
GLORY
No. I read it in Oprah magazine.
KIM
You read Oprah Magazine?
GLORY
I love it.
KIM
She's on every cover!
GLORY
That's why it's called Oprah Magazine.
It's very inspiring! You and Lois should
get it.
KIM
Me and Lois should get Playboy.
GLORY
Oh, you know how Lois feels about
pornography?
KIM
I don't know how Lois feels about
anything anymore.
GLORY
You know I tried to be in Playboy. They
actually had an open call for models
about 15 years ago...down at the Ft.
Mason center. Over 200 girls showed up.
I wore my belly dancer outfit, I did my
belly dance routine.
She lifts her arms in the air to indicate.
GLORY (cont'd)
But they rejected me.
Looking at her own armpits.
GLORY (cont'd)
They said I had to shave my armpits. Can
you believe that? I was so offended.
SCENE: BUD AND LOIS AT SCHOOL
Bud and Lois are sitting on the desk sharing a bag of chips.
LOIS
Why would you pose naked in a book that
everyone's gonna see?
BUD
I just did it for fun.
LOIS
It's dangerous.
BUD
It's not dangerous.
LOIS
Its not dangerous?
BUD
How is it dangerous? It's just a book.
LOIS
Bud, do you know who Ted Bundy was?
BUD
Who?
LOIS
Ted Bundy?
BUD
From Married with Children?
LOIS
What?
BUD
I'm not sure. Who's Ted Bundy?
LOIS
Between the years of 1973 and 1978 Ted
Bundy slaughtered over 40 young women.
And when he was arrested they searched
his house. And in his closet they found
piles and piles and piles of porno
magazines. He said the images excited him
and he wanted to act them out. You're
giving them exactly what they want.
BUD
Who?
LOIS
Men.
BUD
What am I giving them?
LOIS
Permission. Permission to objectify you.
What is the message of pornography? Think
about it? You're telling them exactly
what they want to hear. And when some
maniac grabs you late at night and holds
you down and rapes you and you cry, "No,"
he won't believe you, because deep down,
he thinks it what you really want because
he saw it in a book. Women like to be
treated as sex toys. That's what he
learned. Isn't that right, Bud? Isn't
that what you're saying?
BUD
Lois, you hold me down and fuck me. You
make me scream. It turns me on. So what?
LOIS
Bud, that's different.
BUD
How is it different?
LOIS
I'm your teacher.
SCENE: THE CAFE
Kim and Glory are at a table at Glory's cafe.
KIM
She doesn't even look at me anymore. It's
like she's lost all interest in sex.
GLORY
Oh, you and Lois are great together. You
have what we all want. A long term
relationship.
KIM
Oh please. We haven't made love in ages.
GLORY
Come on.
KIM
I am so jealous of fags. They just go
into bushes and get off any time they
want.
GLORY
That can't be very satisfying.
KIM
Are you kidding? What could be more
satisfying? Sex. Pure unfiltered sex.
What's wrong with us? With women?
GLORY
First of all, there's a lot more to sex
than just getting off.
KIM
Well I'm horny and Lois ain't doing it. I
think if I just could have sex on my own
things would be a lot better.
GLORY
Maybe, you should talk to a therapist.
KIM
Fuck that. I'm done talking. That's all
women do. Talk. Talk. Talk. I'm sick of
processing. I just want to fuck and get
fucked pure and simple. Wham bam thank
you ma'am.
GLORY
Why don't you place an ad?
KIM
How would that work?
GLORY
Horny lesbo seeks sleazy slut for sex,
sex, sex.
KIM
Can you say that ten times fast?
GLORY
(fast)
Horny Lesbo seeks Sleazy Slut for sex,
sex, sex.
KIM
Very good.
SCENE: ANITA AND ANNIES SECOND DATE-ANNIES HOUSE
Annie and Anita enter on the second Horny Lesbo line so that
they are both at the door ready for the next scene.
ANITA
Excuse me? Are you the Perky Porn Star
seeking casual encounters but maybe more.
ANNIE
Are you the Lesbian executive seeking fun
times, fine dining and walks on the
beach?
ANITA
That's me.
ANNIE
Come on in.
ANITA
Wow. This is your house? I feel like I'm
in Bali or something. It's so exotic.
(they kiss)
You know the last time I saw you, you
were dressed as a cop.
ANNIE
You look good.
ANITA
Thank you. So do you.
ANNIE
You look like a lesbian Jackie O.
ANITA
It's my power suit. Do I look powerful?
ANNIE
You look uncomfortable.
ANITA
I am.
ANNIE
Take off your jacket. I want to see your
body.
Anita takes off her jacket.
ANNIE (CONT'D) (cont'd)
Now, you look like a lesbian Sharon
Stone.
ANITA
That's redundant.
ANNIE
(they kiss)
I thought about you all day.
ANITA
I thought about you, too.
ANNIE
You wanna dance?
ANITA
I'd love to.
Annie goes off-stage to put on a CD. She comes back and her
and Annie begin to slow dance.
Music Cue-Bonnie Raitt song
ANNIE
You move so well.
ANITA
Not as good as you.
They continue to slow dance.
ANNIE
You wanna drink?
ANITA
I'd love one.
ANNIE
Be right back.
ANITA
So, is this where you do all your
photography?
ANNIE
Just for now, until I get a studio.
ANITA
I'd love to see your photos. If you
don't mind?
ANNIE
I don't show many people. I get kind of
embarrassed. I'm not a Mapplethorpe or
anything. But eventually I hope to have a
book published. Like one of those big
coffee table books.
ANITA
I'd buy it.
ANNIE
These are a few.
Gives her a photo album.
ANNIE (cont'd)
I have about 600.
Anita looks and comments on each photo.
ANITA
Wow. Wow. Wow. These are amazing. Wow.
That's funny. She's pretty. Wow. Annie,
you're really good. You should submit
these to magazines.
ANNIE
Oh please, Anita, who's gonna publish a
picture of a dyke with a shaved head and
a bone through her nose? Would your
magazine publish it?
ANITA
Probably not.
ANNIE
See.
ANITA
You could self-publish.
ANNIE
How does that work?
ANITA
Oh it's easy.
ANNIE
So, lets do it.
ANITA
Do what?
ANNIE
Let's publish these. If it's so easy. If
you really think
they'd make a great book...let's do it.
I've got some money saved up. Let's do
it. It'd be like Madonna and her Sex
book. But for girls. Seriously. You
said you hate your job. Just take six
months off.
ANITA
Six months off? I can't take six months
off.
SCENE: LOIS AND KIMS HOUSE
Kim is rushing out the door.
KIM
She's taking six months off. That's what
she said. "I'm taking 6 months off to do
something really big."
LOIS
Like what?
KIM
She wants to tell me over lunch. We're
meeting at Glory's. I gotta go. I don't
want to be late.
LOIS
Bye
KIM
Bye.
Kim walks through the door...shuts it behind her...then comes
right back through it. We are now in the restuarant.
SCENE: GLORYS RESTAURANT
Glory, Annie and Anita at the caf?.
KIM
Hi.
ANNIE ANITA AND GLORY
Hi.
KIM
I'm sorry I'm late.
ANITA
Hi, you're not late, thanks for coming!
KIM
The traffic was a nightmare.
GLORY
I'll get you some menus.
Glory exits.
ANITA
So, Annie and I have a proposition for
you. You know Annie is in the "adult
entertainment" industry.
ANNIE
She means porno.
KIM
Really, I didn't know?
ANNIE
I loved it, but I'm ready to move on.
ANITA
And so am I. And we have this idea.
ANNIE
We want your expert marketing advice.
ANITA
I'm taking six months off work.
ANNIE
We wanna put a book together.
ANITA
Of Annie's photos.
ANNIE
I've got a lot already. A few more and
I've got a book.
KIM
Slow down, slow down. What kind of
photos?
ANITA
You know...
ANNIE
Erotica.
ANITA
Women for women.
ANNIE
Remember Madonna's Sex book?
ANITA
It would be like that only for women, for
lesbians for dykes.
KIM
Are you kidding? That's the worst
audience. They're they cheapest. They
buy one book and pass it around. This is
crazy. You'll never even find a
publisher.
ANITA
We were thinking of doing it ourselves.
KIM
Do you know how hard that is?
ANITA
Yeah, but with your help.
KIM
I can't help you? You're crazy. You're
insane. I'm married. We have a mortgage.
We're talking about having a kid. And
Lois...you know how she feels about
pornography? This would be like blowing
a hole into the bottom of our sinking
ship. What were you thinking?
ANITA
I was thinking of having some fun for a
while. I thought you hated your job.
Glory re-enters.
KIM
I do, but I'm not quitting my job for
nothing. Jesus! Grow up, I don't have
time for this nonsense. I wish I did but
I don't. I have to work for a living. I
have to go! I'm on a deadline, I work 9
5, I'm boring. Good luck with your book!
Send me a copy!
Kim exits.
GLORY
What was that all about?
ANITA
I have no idea. I think we're gonna
publish a book, Glory, full of naked
women.
GLORY
Oh, I want to be in it. Fuck Kim.
Flashes her tits.
GLORY (cont'd)
Put me in it!
They all laugh and exit.
SCENE: LOIS AND KIMS HOUSE
Kim is now home and in a foul mood.
KIM
She's quitting her job to print a porno
book? That's what she said.
LOIS
A porno book for lesbians. You know who's
gonna buy that? Straight men.
KIM
I'd buy it.
LOIS
That's pathetic.
KIM
It's not pathetic, Lois. It's exciting.
It's the kind of stuff you would have
done before you became a boring academic.
LOIS
What's wrong with you?
KIM
Were dying here Lois. Don't you feel it?
Were like an old married couple. That's
not right. I don't want to became old
with you. I don't want to be known as
the two old dykes that live in Marin and
keep to themselves. What happened to us?
We don't go out. We don't talk. We
don't have fun. We never have sex
anymore?
LOIS
I've just been tired lately, that's all.
Don't read too much in to it.
KIM
Are you having an affair?
LOIS
Of course not.
KIM
Are you sure.
LOIS
I'm sure.
KIM
Do you ever think about it though.
LOIS
What?
KIM
Having an affair? Do you ever think
about having an affair?
LOIS
Never.
KIM
I don't believe you.
LOIS
Why would I lie?
KIM
I think about it. I think about having an
affair everyday. I think about having an
affair with every woman I see. You should
have seen Anita and Annie together just
now. They were beaming. They couldn't
keep their hands off each other. It was
beautiful. I felt like throwing up. They
reminded me of us when we first met. I
don't want to be sad anymore. I'm leaving
you Lois. I'm leaving you for another
woman.
LOIS
Who?
KIM
I don't know yet. Don't pressure me.
Kim storms out. Lois sits alone.
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