Script - fall well

This is a work in progress. Here are the first 42 pages. Enjoy!

​

FALL WELL

By 

Ronnie Larsen

 

Characters

Jerry Falwell Jr.

Becki Falwell

Giancarlo Granda

 

SCENE 1: THE FIRST TIME

GIANCARLO GRANDA

So how do we feel about anal?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Hmmm...

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Well...

BECKI FALWELL

That is an excellent question.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

How do we feel about it...Becki...do you want to answer or...

BECKI FALWELL

...you really like anal?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Love it.  Yep.  Basically I love it.

BECKI FALWELL

You love it more than everything else or...

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Hmmmmm, ummm.  Yes...I would say yes...

BECKI FALWELL

Well that’s interesting...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Very.  

GIANCARLO GRANDA

How do you feel about it?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Well I’d like to watch that obviously but only if she’s cool with it, right honey, only if you’re cool with,

BECKI FALWELL

The problem is I’ve done it with various men and some men it really hurts and others I was fine sooo...

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I promise i’ll go slow.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

That’s hot...

BECKI FALWELL

Shut-up, honey...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Well it is.

BECKI FALWELL

Hot for you maybe but if I...

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I’ll go slow.

BECKI FALWELL

Like really slow.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Very slow.

BECKI FALWELL

I mean slow like a turtle...and don’t speed up til I say go.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

No problem.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

You know I’m hard right now thinking about this.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Me too, actually.

BECKI FALWELL

Maybe you two should just fuck each other...

Awkward silence. 

BECKI FALWELL

So, yes, we can try it just...

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Ill go slow.

BECKI FALWELL

Just go slow.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I will...and can I cum up there?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Yes.

BECKI FALWELL

Stop!

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Sorry, honey, can he cum up there?

BECKI FALWELL

If we get that far that’s fine but I prefer it on my face.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

That’s hot too.

BECKI FALWELL

Honey, can you relax.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Sorry, honey.

BECKI FALWELL

So where do you prefer to cum?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

In you for sure...pussy, ass, throat...whatever you want...

BECKI FALWELL

Just not on my neck, please...I don’t want you cumming on my crucifix...I still have a few standards.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

(laughing)

Amen.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I understand.

BECKI FALWELL

God, I’m getting wet thinking about this.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I’m so hard right now...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Let’s get busy

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I’m ready.  Are you ready?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I’m ready.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I’m ready.

BECKI FALWELL

Well I am not ready.  I need to shower first...ok...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Go shower.

BECKI FALWELL

Don’t rush me.

BECKI FALWELL

Oh and this is really important...if you’re gonna put it in my butt don’t expect to be putting it my mouth afterwards...unless you go wash real good, with lots of soap, you understand?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Of course...of course...always...

BECKI FALWELL

Okay I’m gonna shower...I’ll be back...you boys behave...if I come back and you guys are fucking each other I’m gonna be jealous...

She leaves.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

My God, your wife is so fucking hot.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I know, right?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

So have you guys done this before.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Does it seem like our first time?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Good point, good point...

Awkward silence.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

So are you bi?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

No. 

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Not at all?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Well I like to watch guys fuck my wife.  Does that make me bi?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I don’t know.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I don’t know either.  

(beat)

You still hard?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Semi.  What about you?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Rock hard?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I’m thinking you do this a lot?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

How do you define a lot?

(beat)

We like to have fun.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Your wife is really hot.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

You know the reason she doesn’t like anal with me is because I’m too big.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Oh wow.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Yep, she cant take it.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Like how big?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Big.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Like thick or long or...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Both...just really big...I’m blessed...the good Lord blessed me.  

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Like 10 inches or...?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Close...’bout 9 and a half.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Damn.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Yep.  I tell people I’m half black...but just my lower half.  

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Im pretty big but not I’m not that big.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Thick head, too...not really designed for anal...unless the girl’s a whore...

GIANCARLO GRANDA

You’re bad...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Becki is not a whore.  She’s very picky.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

That’s good, I am too.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

And you know you can never talk about this right?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Of course. 

JERRY FALWELL JR.

No, I mean like never, under any circumstances.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I know...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Don’t even joke about it...no text messages, no e-mails...nothing.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I understand.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Never...

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Yes sir.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I will literally kill you

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Got it.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I mean like literally I will have you killed.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

We’re good, I promise.  I don’t need any drama.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

You still hard?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Not now.  You?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Rock hard...it’s actually painful...

He adjusts....

JERRY FALWELL JR.

...that’s better...

(yelling)

Becki?

(louder)

Becki???   What’s going on in there?  You okay?

BECKI FALWELL

(from offstage)

Don’t rush me.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

We can’t rush her.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

No rush.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Okay.  So we wait.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

It’s all good.

They sit in silence.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

And listen.  Do me a favor.  When you’re in her?  When you’re going to town, just, if you could, just look at me.  Can you do that?  Not the whole time but some of the time.  Just sort of sneer at me like I’m garbage.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

And you want me to say things like, “You like watching me fuck your wife, you like seeing my cock sliding in and out of your wife’s pussy?  You like that you piece of shit?”

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Yeah, that’s hot.  Becki, come on what are you doing in there?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Don’t rush her.

BECKI FALWELL

Don’t rush me.

Jerry’s phone rings.  Checks his phone.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

You need to take that?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

No, it’s just my son.  I’ll call him back.  They just had a baby. 

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Congrats, you’re a Grandpa.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Fuck you. 

(beat)

Becki, you okay in there?

(beat)

Becki?

Becki enters in a bathrobe.  Drying her hair.

BECKI FALWELL

Who called?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Trey?

BECKI FALWELL

What did he want?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I don’t know I’ll call him back.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

How many kids you have?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Two boys, one girl.

BECKI FALWELL

And two grandkids.  You ever fuck a Grandma before?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Not that I know of.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

So, everybody ready.

BECKI FALWELL

Jerry, seriously, calm down, you’re like a dog in heat. 

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I’m just excited.

BECKI FALWELL

Just relax, honey.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I’m relaxed.

BECKI FALWELL

You don’t seem relaxed.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I’m relaxed.  Okay.  I’m relaxed. 

BECKI FALWELL

You ready, Giancarlo?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Giancarlo is ready.

BECKI FALWELL

Giancarlo Granda!  I can’t believe your last name is Granda.  

Giancarlo takes off his shirt.

BECKI FALWELL

Oh, Lord.  Sweet Jesus.  What do you think, honey?  Remember when you had a body like that?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

No, actually. 

BECKI FALWELL

Come here, baby.  Let’s get those pants off.  

(to Jerry)

And you just stay in your corner, like a good boy...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Yes, Mother.

BECKI FALWELL

You can watch but you can’t touch.  You got it?  Good boy.  

Phone rings again.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

It’s Trey again.

BECKI FALWELL

That kid has the worst timing.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I’ll call him back.

BECKI FALWELL

Just see what he wants?

Answers it.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Hey son, what’s up.

Listens.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Okay.

(listens)

Okay.

(listens)

Yep.

(listens)

How long.

(listens)

Okay.

Giancarlo and Becki are starting to make out.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

How’s the baby?

(listens)

Sure.

(waits)

Okay.

(baby talk)

Hey, cutie, I love you.  Grandpa loves you.  Can you say, Grandpa?

(listens)

Yep, I heard, amazing...listen can I call you tomorrow, we have friends over for dinner and the food’s getting cold.  Do you mind?

(listens)

You sure?

(listens)

Okay, I’ll call you tomorrow.  

(listens)

Okay, love you too, Your Mother says, hi.  Okay.  I’ll tell her.  Bye bye.  

(hangs up) 

Okay.  Thanks for waiting for me.  Really, you guys couldn’t wait five minutes.  

They ignore him.

 

Hello?  I’m still in the room.  

BECKI FALWELL

Just shut-up and go to your corner like a good boy. 

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I’m gonna fuck your wife now.  You like that?  You ready to see how a real man fucks your wife?  And don’t be touching yourself.  Just watch.  Watch and learn.

Blackout. 

SCENE: 2 - THE SEX

The stage is black.  We only hear this.  We do not see it.  Lots of panting, grunting, sex sounds, etc. 

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Oh fuck, yeah

BECKI FALWELL

Slow.  Slow.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Sorry.

BECKI FALWELL

Yes, perfect.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

You like watching this, huh, little Christian boy in the corner?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Can we leave Christ out of this?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Sorry.

BECKI FALWELL

Slower, please.

Oh yes.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Does that feel good, honey?

BECKI FALWELL

Hmmmmm.  So good.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Yes...open up baby...come on...it’s almost in...

BECKI FALWELL

What do you mean, it’s not in?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I mean all.  All in.  Okay, here we go. 

BECKI FALWELL

Oh God...oh God...oh sweet Jesus.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Becki, come on.  

BECKI FALWELL

Sorry.  Sorry, Jesus.   Forgive me.

It’s just so fuckin big.

Ahhh.

Ahhhhh.

Ahhhh.

Ahhhhhhhh.

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck...

Slower...seriously...slower.

Slow down dude.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Sorry.

BECKI FALWELL

No rush.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Oh man...oh man...oh man that is so fucking tight...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Yeah fuck her...fuck her...she loves it...

GIANCARLO GRANDA

You love it too, don’t you, you love sitting in your corner watching a real man fuck your wife, tell me you love it. 

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I love it. 

GIANCARLO GRANDA

You hard right now?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Rock hard. 

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Stop playing with it.  I don’t want you to cum til I say you can.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Yes, sir.

BECKI FALWELL

Can we focus on me, please.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Sorry.

BECKI FALWELL

Okay, a little faster now.

Not that fast.

Perfect.

ALL THREE

Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh....

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Don't you cum, yet?  

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I'm so fucking close.

GIANCARLO GRANDA 

Oh, yeah...oh, yeah...oh yeah...  

JERRY

Fuuuuuuuuck.  Fuuuuuuuck

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I’m gonna cum...I’m gonna cum...get on your knees...you want this on your face....here it comes.

BECKI FALWELL

Not on my crucifix, please...please not on my...

Giancarlo Granda cums.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Ahhhhhh.

Damn.

Ahhhhhhhh.

Ahhh.

Ahhhh.

BECKI FALWELL

Oh my God, you got it on my crucifix...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

It’s fine Becki.

BECKI FALWELL

No it’s not fine.  My Mother gave me this...I said...fuck....God damn it.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Im sorry.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

It’s fine.  It’s fine.

BECKI FALWELL

It’s not fine, I specifically said...

She exits.  

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Dude that was so hot.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

It really was.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

You got a big dick bro.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Thanks.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I like the way you fuck.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Thanks.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Okay lets take a break....she usually needs about an hour to recharge then she’s ready for round 2.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

No rush...I could do this all day.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

You’re cuban right?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Yep.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Yeah...I figured...so hot...we do love Miami.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

You like Cuban cock?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I love it...I mean she does...I, you know what I mean.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I know. 

SCENE: 3 - THE TEXTING  

Becki Falwell is alone on stage.  Texting.  Smiling.  Amused.

Jerry Falwell Jr. enters. 

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Who are you talking to?

(beat)

Becki.

(beat)

Who are you talking to?

(beat)

Becki???

BECKI FALWELL

Oh, sorry...just um...hold on...just uh...Trey and Jeanette and uh...”the pool boy”...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

He has a name...

BECKI FALWELL

I prefer the “pool boy”...it makes me laugh...the “pool boy”...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I thought we agreed no texting...

BECKI FALWELL

It’s just...it’s nothing...it’s just...hold on...it’s just chit chat...nothing serious.... 

JERRY FALWELL JR.

You’re gonna fuck this up, Becki, you’re gonna send the wrong text to the wrong person and then this whole thing is gonna blow up.

BECKI FALWELL

I’m very careful.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Why can’t you just call him...texting leaves a trail...come on...just call him if you have to talk to him that bad...

BECKI FALWELL

Honey, please.  I’m allowed to text a friend...it’s totally innocent...there’s nothing here that would even raise any eyebrows...my Mother could read these texts...Jesus could read these texts...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I’m sure he is...

BECKI FALWELL

Well it’s nothing to see.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Just err on the side of caution thats all I’m saying...

BECKI FALWELL

Oh damn...damn...damn....

JERRY FALWELL JR.

What?

BECKI FALWELL

Oh my Lord.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

What?

BECKI FALWELL

Do you want to see a huge dick?  He just sent his...I don’t remember it being that big...damn...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Let me see, yep thats it...

BECKI FALWELL

Damn...I took that whole thing?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Like a champ.

BECKI FALWELL

He wants to come to Virginia.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

When?

BECKI FALWELL

Now, tomorrow, next week...anytime...he says he misses me...he misses us...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

He misses us or he misses you.

BECKI FALWELL

He misses us both.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Did he say that?

BECKI FALWELL

He misses us...yes...us...can we send the plane for him?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

No, we can’t send the plane for him.

BECKI FALWELL

Why not?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Becki.  I have to justify those expenses.  What if I get audited?

BECKI FALWELL

So, just put him down as a “consultant”.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

A 20 year pool boy is now a paid consultant for Liberty University, yeah, that’ll fly...

BECKI FALWELL

They have never questioned your expenses in how many years?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Why can’t he fly commercial?

BECKI FALWELL

Really?  Then we have to go pick him up and then the flight’s delayed so we have to drive around the airport in circles, for hours and then they lose his luggage, come on...we’re free all weekend...let’s bring him up...please...just send the plane.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I hope you’re not falling in love with this kid...

BECKI FALWELL

Really?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Yes, really.  It wouldn’t be the first time.

BECKI FALWELL

What are you talking about?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

You know what I’m talking about.

BECKI FALWELL

I have no idea.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Your “trainer” cost us 586 million remember?

BECKI FALWELL

Oh stop, stop, stop, stop, please...that had nothing to do with me...that was between you and him.  He didn’t even train me.  He trained you.  

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Well it cost us a lot of money.

BECKI FALWELL

It cost us nothing.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Well it cost the University a lot of money.

BECKI FALWELL

So what?  How much money have you made for them.  Whose name is on it?  It’s your school...you are Liberty University.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Its not my school, they can fire me anytime.

BECKI FALWELL

Fire the son of the founder...please...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I’m just saying let’s be more cautious this time...

BECKI FALWELL

I’m being very cautious.  Just relax.

She takes her top off and takes a selfie of her tits.

 

JERRY FALWELL JR.

What are you doing?

BECKI FALWELL

It’s just my tits.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Becki come on.

BECKI FALWELL

Chill out...seriously...dude chill.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

You’re gonna fuck up and send your tits to our son, or somebody at the University.

BECKI FALWELL

Worry, worry, worry...don’t make me put you in the corner...is that want you want?  You want to be punished?.  Okay he’s good for this weekend...can you schedule the plane...please...please...please.

Jerry half-smiles.

BECKI FALWELL

Thank you,  I love you, I love you so much.  I love you Jerry Falwell.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Jr.  Jerry Falwell Jr.  I am not my dad.

BECKI FALWELL

No, you are not.

Blackout.

SCENE 4: THE FATHER

Applause

Voice over

THE MORTON DOWNEY JR. SHOW

Joining us by satellite tonight from Lynchburg, Virgina we have the Reverend Jerry Falwell.  Are you embarrassed by the exploits of your fellow evangelists? 

REVEREND FALWELL

Yes, I would imagine every Christian feels that way whenever any part of Christendom is um, is um, misbehaving and uh, disgracing the cause of Christ as has been the case in the past 13, 14 months, I think it um it should be an embarrassment to everyone who name’s the name of Christ and I for one, if there’s more to come and I don’t know who it would be but if there is someone I would hope that um that the house cleaning continues until, until once again the name of Christ is lifted high and the cause of the gospel is no longer diminished.

SCENE 5: THE ABORTION

Lights up.

Becki and Giancarlo are in bed.  Jerry sits in the corner

They have all just cum.  Lots of heavy breathing.

Finally.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

So you can’t get pregnant, right?

She looks at him amused.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I guess I should have asked you that before I shot in your ...pussy...but...so...can you?

BECKI FALWELL

And what if I can.  You don’t want to have a baby with me?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I don’t want to have a baby with anyone? 

BECKI FALWELL

Babies are wonderful.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Im sure they are but I’m not ready for that yet.

BECKI FALWELL

I think you and I would produce beautiful children.  Don’t you think so, Jerry?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

You already have three beautiful children.

BECKI FALWELL

You can never have enough and, no, I can not get pregnant.  Don’t worry.  You’re fine.  

GIANCARLO GRANDA

That’s why I like anal better ...for cumming...I call it my insurance policy...I don’t need to be paying for kids or child support or abortions or...

BECKI FALWELL

Abortions? Plural? 

(accent the “s”)

Abortions???

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Here we go.

BECKI FALWELL

Why would you even say that?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Say what?

BECKI FALWELL

“Abortions”.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Becki, let’s not...

BECKI FALWELL

Why would think of that as an option.  Why would that even be in your mind?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I wasn’t...

BECKI FALWELL

You think abortion is a viable birth control method?  Seriously?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

No.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Becki.

BECKI FALWELL

No.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Becki, please

BECKI FALWELL

No.  No. 

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I’m sorry, I just...

BECKI FALWELL

Do you know how many innocent babies are aborted each year in this country,..do you have any idea, just take a guess...

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I have no idea.

BECKI FALWELL

Just take a guess

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Becki. 

BECKI FALWELL

Just guess.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I literally have no idea.

BECKI FALWELL

Just try.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Probably a lot.

BECKI FALWELL

More than a lot.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

A million?

BECKI FALWELL

623,471.  That’s how many abortions there were last year...in this country...623,471...do you know the population of Wyoming...guess how many people live in Wyoming.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I have no idea...

BECKI FALWELL

Guess.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

10 million.

BECKI FALWELL

10 million??

GIANCARLO GRANDA

20 million?

BECKI FALWELL

Oh honey...

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Becki go easy.

BECKI FALWELL

578,759.  We basically abort the entire population of Wyoming every single year in this country...the entire population of Wyoming...it’s sick...sick...and the fucking Democrats want more abortion...they want an abortion clinic on every corner like a fucking Starbucks,..or a Dunkin Donuts...it’s sick...life is precious, Giancarlo...imagine if your mother had aborted you, you wouldn’t be here now fucking me...you wouldn’t have gotten to ride on a private plane...think of everything you would have missed...please...I’m begging you...life is precious..if God forbid you ever get a girl pregnant...and please don’t...but if you do...and if neither of you want it...you just come to me...I will take it...we will take it, right Jerry...and don’t give it up for adoption...you can’t control where they go...it could wind up being raised by two men or two women or God knows what...Caitlain Jenner could be raising your baby...or Atheists...no...please...if God forbid you ever...even accidentally...just call me...call us...I will make sure your baby is placed in a loving Christian home just like ours, well maybe not as nice  as this...but nice...a nice home...with Christian parents like us...that’s the most important ting...Christian parents...deal?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Deal.

BECKI FALWELL

Ok

And Im ready for Round 2.  I think my pussy has sufficiently recovered...

(to Jerry)

Baby, you ready for round 2?  You having fun over there in your little corner?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I’m good.  You good?

BECKI FALWELL

I’m good. 

GIANCARLO GRANDA

You’re very good. 

BECKI FALWELL

You’re very good?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Okay, we got it we’re all good.  Lets go.

BECKI FALWELL

Round 2

A boxing bell rings: ding - ding - ding

Black out

SCENE 6: THE DEBATE

Falwell Sr. debates abortion on C-span

SCENE 7: THE PRESIDENT

JERRY FALWELL JR.

So you want to meet Trump?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Are you serious?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I’m just asking if you want to.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Don’t fuck with me.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Yes or no?  Do you want to meet him?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Fuck yes.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

What are you doing next weekend?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Meeting Trump.  Is he coming here or are we going there??

JERRY FALWELL JR.

He’s coming to the University...I’m gonna endorse him.  They’ve been begging me. 

BECKI FALWELL

Ted Cruz thinks you’re endorsing him.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Ted Cruz is a loser.  We don’t endorse losers.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Is it true his Dad killed JFK?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Absolutely.  That whole Cruz family is sick.  We’re going with Trump. 

BECKI FALWELL

It’s a really big deal.  We’re gonna be the first major religious leader to endorse him.  

JERRY FALWELL JR.

So you want to meet him?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Of course, I mean I’d rather meet Melania but...

BECKI FALWELL

Why do you have to say shit like that?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I’m kidding.

BECKI FALWELL

No you aren’t.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

I’m kidding.  Becki, I’m kidding.

BECKI FALWELL

No you’re not.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Come here, Becki.

BECKI FALWELL

No.  You’re not going.  Don’t take him, Jerry.  I’m serious. Don’t take him.  You’ll be hanging out with Trump and he’ll be fucking Melania in the next room.  I don’t trust him. 

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Is someone jealous?

BECKI FALWELL

You know she’s a whore, right?  Have you seen those photos of her, those German photos or her standing there naked, Google her...you really think she’s hot?  I think she’s a slut. 

JERRY FALWELL JR.

I think she’s hot.

BECKI FALWELL

You think everyone is hot.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Who doesn’t think Melania is hot?

BECKI FALWELL

I don’t.  But I’m not a dyke so what do I know.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

But would you have a threesome with her, for me?  Jerry would you like to watch that.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Im staying out of this but yes.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Me, you and Melania...for me...would you be open to it?

BECKI FALWELL

What do I get out it?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Maybe a cabinet position.

BECKI FALWELL

Not enough.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Tax breaks for the University.

BECKI FALWELL

Maybe.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

A Supreme Court justice to strike down Roe v Wade.

BECKI FALWELL

Yes...that I will do...I will fuck Melania to end Roe v Wade.  Yes.  Set it up.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Okay, next weekend.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

And can I get a picture with him?  My dad would die if I had a picture with Trump.  My Dad loves Trump.

BECKI FALWELL

He can probably arrange that if you behave.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

You actually think he can win?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Hell no, but I’m a gambling man.

BECKI FALWELL

Oh he can win.  Believe me.  You underestimate how much people hate the Clintons...phonies, both of them...talk about a sham marriage...he’ll fuck anything and she’s a dyke.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

No, she’s not

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Is she really?

BECKI FALWELL

Look at her...you ever see her in a skirt?  Why do you think they’re always talking about gay rights?  They are obsessed with it...why???  Think about it...they’re selfish...she’s gay...they’re a disgrace...and they pretend to be religious...please...you think Bill Clinton really reads the Bible?  Bill Clinton-blow job in the Oval Office Bill Clinton,..you think he has a relationship with our Lord and savior, Jesus Christ?  You really think he talks to God?

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Becki, judge not lest you be judged.

BECKI FALWELL

Fuck that.  That only applies to real people...politicians don’t count...if we don’t judge them how can we decide who to vote for?.  The Clintons are evil.  They have no morals.  I actually think they’re Atheists that’s what I think...they make my head explode.

If she wins, I swear, I’m moving to Canada.  

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Can we talk about something else, please.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

All this blowjob talk has gotten me kind of excited...

BECKI FALWELL

Oh, I bet it has.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

You wanna see?

BECKI FALWELL

No.  Not right now.  Sorry...not in the mood...I’m sorry baby...talking politics does not make me horny...i need to calm down...Jerry  you can blow him if you want. I need a nap.  Maybe after my nap.  Maybe.  Don’t worry.  I’ll be back.  Behave yourselves. 

She leaves.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

So Trump, you and me.  Next weekend.

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Great.  Then You, me and Melania.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

That’s probably not gonna happen, my friend.  You want a beer?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

Sure.

Goes and gets him a beer.  They pop them open.  Before they drink their eyes meet. 

Long silence.

Awkward.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

So have you ever let a guy blow you?

GIANCARLO GRANDA

No.  Not really.

JERRY FALWELL JR.

Not really.  What does that mean?

Blackout

SCENE 8: THE GAYS

Falwell speech on homosexuality.

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